Right

....my try @ spokenword; I've done it b4. Let's try it again.

I wanna write

I wanna write
something
that will make
make the Heathens
say Preach sister
make the Christians
say Oh Hell yes
I wanna write

I wanna write
something
that fills me up inside
fills me to the brim
and on trying days
bring hope
where it's grim
I wanna write

I wanna write
something
that makes men
understand
women
makes mothers
understand
children
I wanna write

I wanna write
something
that makes the weak
strong
and the strong crumble
the arrogant humble
and a confident man
mumble
in awe of me
my grace
my abilities
I wanna write

I wanna write
something
that opens doors
speaks to the masses
exceed barriers
stop putting people
in classes
cause we're
all created
in the image of him
I wanna write

I wanna write
something
for the children
without parents
to parents who lost
children
touch their
hearts
open their minds
there must be
better times
I wanna write

I wanna write
something
that is melodic
that can
make even the
tone deaf
sound like they
can sing
I wanna write

I wanna write
something
that will make
my parents proud
my boyfriend smile
my friends glow
even though
they knew
I had the talent
I wanna write

I wanna write
something
when it rains
when it shines
when the paper
runs outta lines
I wanna write

I wanna write
something
cause I can
cause I want
cause I need
to write
nothings
ever been
so right
in the morning
in the night
in my sleep
nothing feels
more right

I wanna write...

©Tia L. Clarke 2008

Water Tower

Photographer: Tia L. Clarke

Red Eyes

I've been
down this road before

Promised myself
the last time
was the last

Tears rob
the white of my eye
trickling for
another guy

All night tears
can't believe
my
red eyes

Disguised
as an old friend
not so nice
to have you back

Loose
as you
frolic on
my face

Salty
I remember
this taste
DEFEAT

Another man
has me beat
crying
red eyes

Christ
Crisis
Cries...
red eyes

Thorns
now in the crown
that I wore
for nearly
two years

Snare
tears
like
a run in a stocking

Waterfall
defaming me
nothing purifying
about you
I doubt you
know
how I cry
over you.

I love you
you said you love me too
but it's just not that simple
Maybe I'm too simple

In my simplicity
you tricked me
to love you
Now you wanna leave.

I heave
at the thought of it
threw up in my mouth
just a little bit
sick
tired
of ...

Going down this road
Caloused feet
Corned toes
Red Eyes

©Tia L. Clarke 2008

Ears Wide Shut

He can't change
through my tears,
so...
he'll change
through the fear
of losing me

too complacent
comfortable
confident
of the fact that I'll never leave
that it is he
who I need
but its my fault
cause I planted that seed
and as you reap what you sow
I've stifled my growth
I've planted the tears
that has caused me to bleed

those seeds
he feeds...
my blood
I bleed
have I quenched your thrist
is my flesh enough
too hard to digest
my flesh
is tough

I had to
have to
have
alligator skin
but my love
for you
cut me
I had to
have to
let you in

But change
will come
behold the power
of MY tongue

if my tears can't change you
something will

©Tia L. Clarke 2008

My Views Count Too

Thought for the Day

I can not stand people who are overly opinionated and think they are always right.

Here's a note: SHUT YOUR MOUTH

LISTEN TO SOMEONE ELSE FOR A CHANGE

I have no problem with you having views, we all have them. Just for goodness sake give someone else a chance to talk. Your thoughts, feelings and beliefs are not the only ones that need to be respected.

....jus lettin ya kno...

Cat and Mouse

He doesn't care...
I won't
I don't

Sick of being school girl
school crush
crushing me

Weak,
meek as a lamb
spent
bent
to please him

Must change

Tonight
it was ordained
for me
to see
I'm chasing he
that is not
for me.

© Tia L. Clarke 2008

My Big Cuz

Photographer: Tia L. Clarke

C.O.B's Parking FEES?? ~comments & reactions~

Students at the College of The Bahamas (COB) have mixed views about the introduction of parking fees.

The proposal suggests that students be charged an additional $10 to $15 per semester for parking, according to COB Estates Administrator, Anthony Burrows.

Since news of the proposal was uncovered this semester rumors flooded the campus of when the proposal will come into effect. But according to Director of Security, Wellington Francis, parking fees are not implemented as yet. Francis said, “[The proposal] was drafted early this year and sent out for recommendation and approval…the [college] president in conjunction with the council [are] reviewing it for a final document and they will announce when the approval will be given for execution.”

However, execution of the proposal is not the only concern for students. Since construction started on the library a quarter of the student parking lot has been eliminated, which has caused problems. The proposal for parking fees has raised many eyebrows given that the college currently does not have sufficient parking.

While standing in a congested parking lot, Gail Hanna, business marketing major, questioned how officials can charge for parking when there is not adequate space being provided for students now. Hanna said, “Some days I have to park on the curb and outside the fence praying people don’t hit my car. I wouldn’t pay that fee. It makes no sense. I feel like I’ll be paying for the same lack of service.”

When questioned about a solution for insufficient parking, Burrows said, “We will never have sufficient parking spaces so every student could find a place to park.” According to Burrows the proposal is solely to better serve students.

Students said that they want and need better service. One of those on board for better service, Rhenard Miller, a senior at COB, understood the need for parking fees and agreed with the proposal. He said that credits being available at $300 are reasonable and if the college needs to find other means of income without making the prices of credits unreasonably high then students need to understand.

Miller said, “COB is a public institution, and credit’s [aren’t] cheap, so I understand they need to make money for the institution, but it is obvious we need a larger parking lot but the fee wouldn’t bother me, add it to my bill.” He said that students also need to take into consideration the costs incurred during the construction of the new student parking lot, located in the back of the T Block.

According to Burrows the new parking lot estimated over $200,000. He said the decals that would be provided are also expensive. However, Burrows said charging students an additional fee for parking is not intended to recuperate any funds incurred during the construction of the new parking lot.

“Decals [aren’t] expensive. They are just a sticker to put on your car” said Taeva Romain, a former C.O.B student now attending Florida Memorial University. Romain said he was not surprised that an official would call decals expensive but concerned that decals would be needed at all. He said, “At my school if you don’t have a parking decal security checks your ID and you are allowed to park. Once you’re registered to COB you should be able to park. What they should do is enforce security so that parking spots are not taken up by those who are not students of the institution

“COB students pay enough fees for services they don’t receive…the college doesn’t need more money, they need to manage current funds better.”

Though the many COB students said they dread the day they will have to pay parking fees, Francis said, “As it stands, I do not feel that plan will come into play any time soon.”

Painful

Pile the pain on
pour it down
my blouse
pain lives here
loves this house

©Tia L. Clarke 2008

Gyration

Rusty cowbells clang
like trash cans on collection day.
Rattlin’ The Serpent’s tale
stories of my family’s history
No closed legs
unwed teenage mothers
Our plague
spreads like a forest fire.

Bang! Bang! Bang!
Vibrate the city
Bang on her goat skin drum.
Glued to the street,
Full round caramel breasts
bounce to the beat
Feel the heat
The Serpent slithers near her feet.

“Ghost move”
to the back yard party,
dark as nightmares.
The Serpent stares.

Heart racing,
Loud panting,
Music playing…
“I have a hang over,”
from those damned rusty cowbells.

Victory
she made
Her first child
to the music of K.B.
and continues
our family’s
legacy.

Music is My People

©copyright Tia L. Clarke 2007

In A Shell

I envied you
as I watched
today
the way
you escaped
in yourself
in your home
like walking around
with your
mother's womb
tacked
to your back
I yearned
for what you had
wanted it so bad
so mad
I envied you

I to
want to
ball up
in myself
shelter myself
from pain
from rain
from years
of strain
I wanted to
be envied too

Envied how
like a whisper
slips from lips
you peeked out
of yourself
dared to face
another day
another stone
tossed onto
your head
another child
kicking
your shell
Envied
your strength
to push
through hell

I envied you
I wanted that too
to be brave
enough somedays
to crawl
out through
my tears

Funny
you walked around
today
green shell
clinged
to your body
and I'm the one
green with envy

©Tia L. Clarke 2008

Pleasure Chest

i.
Delicacy
divine destiny
to infant lips

Splendor drips
from the tip
to infant lips

ii.
Sniffs out
sucks on
nips at
erect nipples

Belly Filled
Baby snores
Nipples sore
Tip still to infant lips

iii.
Nature’s nurture
sucked before
only for pleasure
now for more

Must first
acquire the taste
said man
that tasted
by mistake

©Tia L. Clarke 2008

Peanut Butter

High atop a shelf
hidden for himself

sits his
delicate delight
secret
at midnight

five fingers fuss
fight to open

use two instead
carefully
slowly
spread

your forbidden
peanut butter
on oven warmed
bread

© Tia L. Clarke 2008

Melted Snow

Spring forward
toward
my love
My lust runeth over

Charmed to have
a beauty
more than
A four leaf clover

Moreover
head over heels
falling over you
Desires revealed under you

Under sheets
sum-mor' sum-mor'
match the
bleating of sheep

Friction
brings heat
in the coldest
Winters

©Tia L. Clarke 2008

Nursing Rhyme

Itty Bitty
bra-less breast
bouncing bouncing
on my chest

Swinging Swelling
child's chou-chou
sweet sweet
edible too

Tasty Titty
watering mouth
one in hand
one in mouth

Plush Pillows
lay your head
milk jugs always
closer than bed

©Tia L. Clarke 2008

Abandon Home

Made love so loud
neigbours cringe

head boards
shatter walls
screams like nails on a chalkboard

naked on horseback
galloping inside her
the joy of jousting

beads of sweat
off your chest
thump on her face

desire so great
panties torn
using boxer holes
instead of taking them off

adjacent neighbours' party
you flee home
more of a climax
was your celebration
boning til noon

©Tia L. Clarke 2008

Only God

rather frolic in frivolous
than judge what I'll never understand
your mind will never conceive me
you judgmental man

©Tia L. Clarke 2008

STOP HATING

for obi quiet

IF YOU DON'T LIKE WHAT I WRITE
IF WHAT INTERESTS ME DOESN'T INTEREST YOU
STOP READING MY DAMN BLOG

RIDICULOUS

Every time I cry, I believe this is my last time.
The last time I'll waste my tears on something as meaningless as emotion.
Isn't that funny?! Emotion being meaningless, nonsense right. You know what I believe my problem is. I settle. I settle because it's easy, it's safe. I settle in so many areas of my life it's hard to even explain.
But more specifically I'll talk about relationships.
I leave the last relationship thinking, this time I will not settle. I deserve to be respected. I deserve someone who pulls out chairs; someone who brings me flowers; someone who accepts me for everything I am without trying to change me.
Some where along the line I lose sight of that. I always settle for at least he...
smt its ridiculous...RIGHT??!

QUESTION

This is just me venting, and it probably will show up in poem form later but I have to get this out my system.
WHY ARE MEN SO ONE SIDED???
How can you do something one week and its all good. No problem, I ain't raise no hell. But this week, I did something remotely similar...meaning I notified you even though you didn't have the decency to tell me, I told you. Now its all I don't feel like talking to you. You all hurt and shit.

You know what lick ya mutha BEEPIN wounds by your damn self. I'm sick of that BEEP.

Thanks for who ever reads this. If you supply me with an answer I'll be much greatful.

Horse before Carriage...

BABY THEN MARRIAGE(:Sconfused face)

Recently a close unwed friend of mine asked me to go with her to the clinic because she recently had a baby and was still feeling discomfort from her stitches. She was a bit uneasy because her on going relationship with a man ten years older than her was unpredictable. He proved untrustworthy and having sexual relations with him was a risk. I agreed to go because I was greatly concerned and wanted to make sure she was going to be fine.

The visit to the clinic was unnerving. As we walked in the ice cold room my hands grew clammy. I looked around and saw a startling amount of unaccompanied pregnant youngsters. I almost felt guilty. As if not sporting a baby bump of my own was a disgrace. But we knew nothing about each other. Maybe the girls were staring at me, declaring me just another statistic, another teenage mother, one of their cronies. Most of the girls had stoic looks upon their faces. My friend hung her head down as she sat. I knew she was terrified rather than ashamed. There was nothing to be ashamed of, this was normalicy.

Sitting there I remembered the tremendous baby shower my cousin's wife had for her unwed teenage daughter. The daughter that was preparing to enter into tenth grade. Such a grand prize for such a grand accomplishment. I graduated highschool and no one even told me congrats...amazing how this society works. BACKWARDS!

When my friend's name was called we looked at each other, and slowly got up. I was asked to stay out front, and that to me was a bit of a relief. My assumption was her stitches were merely taking a little longer to heal than normal. I waited as the doctor asked her questions and then examined her. She came out and told me the Dr. concluded that she had a rare sexually transmitted disease that is hard to detect but treatable. We were relieved that it wasn’t more serious than that but she was infuriated at the thought that her sexual partner would risk her life like that.

Everyone seems so eager nowadays to jump in bed that they forget...the carriage can't move with the horse behind it. Maybe getting to know an individual before you give up the "goods" will save you the embarrassment of the visit to the clinic.

So many naive young girls and involve themselves in relationships with older men. I chose young girls and older men because they seem to be the ones creating the most problems. However, this is for everyone. (Even though throughtout I'm focusing on the old men/young girl relationship) ANYWAY...Humans aren't asexual beings. Without a vagina(which usually is attached to a female) and a penis(which usually is attached to a male) babies can't be made. Babies are blessings, not toys for a ninth grader.

Furthermore, so many people in society are excepting of the sex before knowing you/baby before marriage trend. No, I'm not pointing fingers. I'm simply stating that before the Christian counsel decides to take off MY BET and have an uproar over Bareback Mountain, maybe they should concern themselves with the increasing percentages of unwed teenage mothers. AND how many of the babies they christened in their offices for $25 without telling that young girl, who was there last year that time by the way, to close her legs. BET isn't on basic cable any more, so what are we to blame?

To the fathers of the young women who are being taking advantage of by men who probably sat behind daddy dearest, be a father to them and they wouldn't have to search for one. My friend was a lucky one, but some of these men are fathers themselves and continue to plague girls with diseases, stripping them of their innocence. This is a terrifying notion and very much apart of our society. We see it every day but turn a blind eye until it invades our immediate family. I feel as though older men preying on younger girls causes, lack of self respect and in many cases causes the young girls demise.

Most of these children are seeking love and affection. They want to be listened to, called beautiful and given a hug. Older more worldly men take advantage of those desires. They bombard them with material possessions, take them places and parade them around other unfaithful friends as if they are proud and confident within their relationship. Some of these men have already established families and want to use these girls for their body. They introduce these young girls to sexual acts and abuse their bodies. Soon these girls feel as though they are only good for sex.

Moreover, some of these men also have STD’s and coax these naïve young girls to have unprotected sex with them. The whisper in the ear, the baby I love you. Head swing and panty gone. Thus leading to an increasing rate of teenage pregnancies and many sickly and dying young women.

Some say the girls are well aware of what is going on and blame them. But we as a nation must take charge defending our youth. An under age girl can not legally give consent to a sexual relationship with an adult. As a result I feel the law should enforce stricter punishment for these men.

This essay is me just venting...but please, stop putting the horse before the carriage. It only has our country going backwards. (in every aspect...not jus dis:)

Gay Culture: Progress or Ruin

Two decades ago my former teacher from Jamaica came to The Bahamas, she asked her class what was their perception of homosexuality in The Bahamas. Most of the class exclaimed that gays and lesbians did not exist in their world. Now, it is the year 2007 and many views have changed. Gay culture is not only present but expanding greatly. How does the general public feel about this? Can the influx of gay culture be seen as Progress or Ruin? Personally, I believe that gay culture in The Bahamas is not progress but more precisely progressively ruining our culture and children, creating new culture, quite possibly a more flippant society. Furthermore The Bahamas is a Christian nation built on the foundation of Christian morals and beliefs and the flourishing of gay culture would erode the standards we were built on, warp the innocent and malleable minds of our youth, and could possibly open the door to many other immoral activities.

First of all The Bahamas is a Christian nation, one of the morals society was taught constantly was, no sex before marriage. Normally, homosexuals explore this lifestyle for sexual reasons. They are, for the most part, viewing same sex relationships as a new and exciting sexual experience. Since marriage of the same sex is illegal, and we were taught that we should be married before we engage in sexual intercourse, it goes against what we were raised believing. The church has a strong impact on who we are as a people and gay culture is directly against Christian views. Many people attend church every week and are involved in weekly church activities such as youth meetings and bible study where they are told to avoid homosexuality. The spread of gay culture negates the values that these church activities have taught. The biblical perspective on this epidemic of gay culture does not change. It is against what the bible teaches, and what the churches as well as some parents try to instill and reiterate to every one. With the growth of gay culture it loses what it means to be Bahamian because it hides what we have known ourselves as, a Christian nation.

Moreover, children are fragile and can easily be molded and exposure to gay culture will warp their minds. Gay culture being forced into their lives because of the intensification of it may make them feel as though this is normal behaviour. Infecting their minds with something they cannot completely grasp causes loss of innocence. In a local high school two females were caught performing lewd sexual acts on each other. This should be a cause for alarm! Schools seem to no longer be institutions of learning, rather they are “hook up spots” for children mimicking what they have seen in many public places, which is the development of gay culture. I have witnessed our youth, females no older than fourteen engaging in homosexual relationships. I recall asking the young girl, a former friend of mine, “Why are you in this gay relationship?” Her response to me was, “Everyone else is doing it.” Her early exposure to homosexuality made her desensitized and more susceptible to engaging in such activities herself. Children watch television shows like “Will and Grace” and “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy”, that promote homosexuality. They have friends who have been directly exposed to the homosexual lifestyle. They watch men in the mall with polished toes, relaxed hair, and hair extensions. Children then become confused as to what is normal. This forces on them complexities that need not burden their little minds. It influences them to do as gay culture teaches, confusing them, shaping them to indulge in a behaviour they may not have never even considered.

Furthermore, our acceptance for this immoral behaviour may only be a start, opening the door to many other lifestyles that could ruin us. Being accepting and tolerant of gay culture is one thing. If we are willing to bend and break the rules for one thing we once viewes as wrong, where will the line be drawn? Soon people may not view bigamy and prostitution as immoral. When is it ok to speak up against what could be destroying us as a people, as Bahamians? It is like my mother say to my brothers and I. “If I give you too much rope, you will hang yourselves." Which means the more she allows us to do, the more we will try to get away with. We can not and must not be lenient with homosexuality and not expect that other wrongs could possibly be next, expanding and ruining us.

There is no disputing that gay culture is here. It has become so popular, with the erection of gay clubs and bars all over town that it is hard not to notice. Some may disagree by taking the stance that gay culture in the Bahamas is progress. Liberals believe that this gives society a more open minded way of thinking and prepares for us for globalization. These people may say that this gives individuals the choice to feel free to discover what their sexual preference is. False! Someone does not have to go to jail to know that they do not want to be there. Some things are better off not being experienced. Hence we don’t need to explore sexual relationships with the same sex to know that it is not something we should engage in.

However, focus has been lost on developing gay culture rather than students focusing on school, rather than society continuing to propel Christianity and creating space for other immoral activities to be apart of our culture. It has infiltrated our speech accommodations to gay culture. I feel though that it is becoming a strain, segregating and manipulating our Christian views, our Christian nation. I think we should make progress by not allowing this to continue to ruin us because it is.

Crumpled Silk Sheets

prefer it if I fought?
push back
while you push on
my body
worn from battle

finger tips
pitter patter
down my spine
like the rain
on the window pane

tears of pain
gently rough
fighting back
had enough

get off of me
out of me
out of my head
figurative fight
literal bed

©Tia L. Clarke 2008

Untold

I wanted to keep you
swear I did
but I was only
a little kid
felt you growing
scared as hell
when I did it
I meant well
didn't expect
you'd visit my dreams
no idea
what all this means
I'm sorry I hurt you
I thought you were asleep
dying with this secret
I must keep

© Tia L. Clarke 2008

Wish I Never Did

I opened myself up to a room of strangers. I trusted them with my thoughts, my feelings, my fears. Ms. Bethel, a great writer and teacher wanted me to break down walls with my personal essay. She wanted me to bare all without fear. Just share. I did and I wish I never did.


Humiliate he says. I'm humiliated that he'd use what I shared against me. Some people are major speed bumps in the road to growth. My intent wasnt to be taunted by what I shared. This made me realize that some people shouldn't be trusted with your thoughts. Those people who focus on hurting you by what you've told them in confidence are not loyal, not friends...not people who I want in my life.

Under My Skin

you're like sin
evil doer
refuse to let you
under my skin

cHAtTeR bOx

In my personal essay I wrote about religion dividing people, I discussed how I am yearning to have a good, if not just a relationship with my boyfriend's mother (and his sisters). The differences of religion hindered that, and feels like it is still HINDERING. Don't get me wrong, she no longer sucks her teeth when I call. But for some reason I can sense the prayers of her and her daughter ascending into heaven daily that their child rid himself of me. I can honestly say the relationship isn't going half bad, great infact, BUT, as little Micheal would say, "baby baby I gat that feeling". The feeling some feces 'bout to hit the fan.

The last thing I want to do is alarm my boyfriend. However, I'm a bit alarmed my damn self. I'm also beginning to wonder if I'm doing this(this being learning about the religion) to make it easier on us. I've never been that type of person though, and I don't want to start now. I often think about where this is headed and I'm not quite sure anymore of what I want to do. If I want to do this(this being our relationship) any longer.

BOY I HOPE HE DOESN'T READ THIS....
We'll see how this goes.

Raped On Paper

tugging
back and forth
arguing about art
wanting me
break down walls
let them fall like a silk gown
to my ankles
it crawls my skin
to even dream
you came
that close

opening
your doors to me
calling yourself my father
saying I inspire
you
when incest you desire
it's useless
as you describe me
more of a child
than I'll ever be
I feel pity for you
you will only ever love
what you will never get
violating with your pen
never penis

writing
countless erotic poems
of me
saying they are from God
God wouldn't let you rape me
even if it's on paper

©Tia L. Clarke 2008

Conformity Breaks Wings

writing
isn't what it used to be
conformed by what
others think
my art
should be
what poetry
should be like
I don't know if I like to write
anymore
it doesn't flow
like blood
through my viens
nor like tears
from pain
of losing my grandmother
it's still
stagnant
no ripples from this pen
I was too willing to change
willing to bend
broken

©Tia L. Clarke 2008

Early Mourning

for T.L.C

How can love
make me
want you dead
kill you
take my pen
slice through you
I'm through
with you
has been more than
enough
less than pleasure
filled my cup
nights of mourning
tears trickle
years upon you
a step from
unto dust you shall return
but so fickle
thickness
to stretch my mind
blind
unrealistic
world of your own
fairy tales
you fairy
stars away
in an orbit of crazy
lazy
though I maybe
I am open
stretch me

©Tia L. Clarke 2008

Shorty's Dairy~pieces of me~

Sometimes I feel like I want to disappear. I'm not happy, and I can't seem to get happy. What sense does anything make, if in the end...you're just miserable.

Bacon and Eggs

Indifferent
to your arrival
I feel your blame
I will never ask
for breakfast again

your crash
but my life changed

“I don’t wanna talk about it
that breakfast cause me crash”

this is what you said to me
when you came back

from your comma
that I cried you out of
still breathing
because of my love

under a ceiling fan
I lay
maimed
by my man
your words slit my throat
you don’t understand
blood oozes down my chest
“You Take My Breath”

your mouth a heinous weapon
left me to die
didn’t even realize
I couldn’t even cry

wrapped in your world
as I am wrapped in it too
wrapped up in me
being wrapped up by you

Smirnoff green apple vodka
did not shed the pain
you came back home
revived it again

how guilty I feel
though YOU sped down the street

how ashamed I am
because I wanted to eat

I regret playing in the kitchen
asking for those eggs

I’d just as well starve
that morning
if I knew it was me
you’d blame

Breakfast
caused pain
stove fire
ended flame

© copyright Tia L. Clarke 2008

Jelly Filling

for D.E. Wasake

Ugandan Stallion
Prince of words
minced upon them
tasty, filled me
like jelly donuts

©Tia L. Clarke 2008