A journey in the life of a 4'11" short poetic giant. My emotions, My life, My words.
"I write for the same reason I breathe-because if I didn't, I would die. -Isaac Asimov
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
Jelly Filling
for D.E. Wasake
Ugandan Stallion Prince of words minced upon them tasty, filled me like jelly donuts
filled me has to be coupled with mince[d]. As is, your tenses are shifted.
I'd been reading your poem for four minutes, I'd read it 3 times, with the title in my head being, "Jelly Fishing" for some reason.
You like to suggest that the erotic on your part is never intended. I've told you, you cannot detach it from the images, the symbols in our language and culture to which it is inextricably attached?
Are you flirting with D.E.W. as a girl or as a writer or both?
You certainly open up Duncan Donuts again with this poem. And to have done this in a single stroke, after it had been closed, after the building had been damaged by fire then demolished, suggest a successful, rather potent image.
Are you hungry for donuts too as I'd sometimes get? Were the ones with filling the ones you liked best?
The rhetoric of "rather," I am thinking, though it occurs in your head, in your thinking, it should not show up in the poem or in a poem.
Your poem then, I know, would be shorter still. Is it but padding, but filling therefore? A poem, unlike a tooth, should not require filling.
Horses, especially stallions, are erections; it is difficult to undo that image so you have to mean it. You cannot not mean it.
I do like where your poetry's going, heading, your new choice of subject, your making art about art.
Maybe what you need is "mince" and "fill" if this process is occurring still, if it is ongoing.
When a poem is Haiku or Haiku-like, the slightest flaw jumps out at the attentive reader. The very short poem is like the jewelry maker's art. Certainly, you'd not want your diamonds and pearls flawed.
mince upon them tasty, fill me
like a jelly donut
You might be guilty of having mixed your metaphors with prince or stallion producing words which are like jelly-filled donuts for consuming. Your Ugandan might need to be a pastry chef.
Only now am I experiencing the "rhyming" of the idea of filling for poet-reader, yourself, with what the donut's filled with. That is subtle, nice. Subtle is art. Art is subtle. Subtle is powerful and lasting. Often, you are inclined to be heavy-handed - not good, not art.
There are these subtle situations occurring though in all your poems, from the very first I ever heard. The wonderful surprize at the end of this line for example:
He nurtured me, fed me, and became my reason for writing.
It must be art and subtle all through, and always. Read more and more of the writers and poets whom I have already suggested to you, you'll see what I mean.
Hey Obie, hey Shorty, so you two are in bed together to make me captive to jelly donuts??! Oh well...Shorty Obie is my friend thus the casual tone but then i am sorry i have not responded to all your comments on my several poems but its because i have been on vacation with limited email/internet and only returned yesterday, i will respond to all your comments accordingly so please check in a day or two...and in the meantime...i am really really flattered to have actually gotten a poem for me but do tell me...how did you know that i was a stallion? But please do tell.. are you flirting with me as a girl or as a writer or both?
4 comments:
mince upon them
tasty
filled me
filled me has to be coupled with mince[d]. As is, your tenses are shifted.
I'd been reading your poem for four minutes, I'd read it 3 times, with the title in my head being, "Jelly Fishing" for some reason.
You like to suggest that the erotic on your part is never intended. I've told you, you cannot detach it from the images, the symbols in our language and culture to which it is inextricably attached?
Are you flirting with D.E.W. as a girl or as a writer or both?
You certainly open up Duncan Donuts again with this poem. And to have done this in a single stroke, after it had been closed, after the building had been damaged by fire then demolished, suggest a successful, rather potent image.
Are you hungry for donuts too as I'd sometimes get? Were the ones with filling the ones you liked best?
The rhetoric of "rather," I am thinking, though it occurs in your head, in your thinking, it should not show up in the poem or in a poem.
Your poem then, I know, would be shorter still. Is it but padding, but filling therefore? A poem, unlike a tooth, should not require filling.
Horses, especially stallions, are erections; it is difficult to undo that image so you have to mean it. You cannot not mean it.
I do like where your poetry's going, heading, your new choice of subject, your making art about art.
Maybe what you need is "mince" and "fill" if this process is occurring still, if it is ongoing.
When a poem is Haiku or Haiku-like, the slightest flaw jumps out at the attentive reader. The very short poem is like the jewelry maker's art. Certainly, you'd not want your diamonds and pearls flawed.
mince upon them
tasty, fill me
like a jelly donut
You might be guilty of having mixed your metaphors with prince or stallion producing words which are like jelly-filled donuts for consuming. Your Ugandan might need to be a pastry chef.
Only now am I experiencing the "rhyming" of the idea of filling for poet-reader, yourself, with what the donut's filled with. That is subtle, nice. Subtle is art. Art is subtle. Subtle is powerful and lasting. Often, you are inclined to be heavy-handed - not good, not art.
There are these subtle situations occurring though in all your poems, from the very first I ever heard. The wonderful surprize at the end of this line for example:
He nurtured me, fed me, and became my reason for writing.
It must be art and subtle all through, and always. Read more and more of the writers and poets whom I have already suggested to you, you'll see what I mean.
Hey Obie, hey Shorty, so you two are in bed together to make me captive to jelly donuts??!
Oh well...Shorty Obie is my friend thus the casual tone but then i am sorry i have not responded to all your comments on my several poems but its because i have been on vacation with limited email/internet and only returned yesterday, i will respond to all your comments accordingly so please check in a day or two...and in the meantime...i am really really flattered to have actually gotten a poem for me but do tell me...how did you know that i was a stallion? But please do tell..
are you flirting with me as a girl or as a writer or both?
Esquire I didn't know you were a stallion, are you confirming my assumption?
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