Shadow Me Pain

I feel like my pain shadows me. I am afraid to let go my pain, and why should I? So I welcome the memories of when I''ve been hurt: Shadow ME Pain

Lacking confidence
you see
you love
love me

Eye on me
so you say
buckled my shoes
that faithful day

From buckled shoes
to shared gum
cooked lasagna
gave you some

Roller coaster
seven months in
battle with bitches
and your kin

Stay true my heart
Never lie
Sacred love
Love I

Little peck
On the lips
Sacred love
Love shit

ashley came
and by any other name
would still be Ashley
my bane

Still in love
what can I do
love hurts
you too

Over it
over you
big dick
cocky you

© copyright Tia L. Clarke

Sleep

I must learn
the rhythm of sleep
all night I am awake
I just want to fall asleep
Sleep
for goodness sake

© copyright Tia L. Clarke

Boyfriend

“He’s only your boyfriend”
statement inaudible
to my three times
pierced ears
it makes no sense
to our love
they're dense

No one knows what we share
12:30 after the morning of breakfast
Hot eggs and hot sex
one strip of bacon left
drive me home
in the almost cherry red Honda
once before
in this ride my legs were elevated
now so is my mind

“He’s only your boyfriend”

that boy
my friend
seven years
well spent
boy friend
man friend
lover
love me
love him

“He’s only your boyfriend”

They don’t understand
switched schools
held back
still you love me
left S.A.C
still you love me
left handed even
still you love me

Or do you love my dependency
Boyfriend?

© copyright Tia L. Clarke 2007

Dress Code

What’s so important
bout me putting on a skirt?
My Saviour said come as I am…
now there are demands on what I wear
as long as I’m respectful
I don’t care

How long as it been
I’ve waited for my ma
to stop picking out my clothes
now this man
who I don’t know
taking over her role

I don’t have no more
damn skirts in my closet
you go buy me some
My Saviour says come as I am…
And that’s how I’m gon’ come

© copyright Tia L. Clarke 2007

Happy

for Gail Hanna

so happy
that Brent makes you happy
cause knowing that you're happy
makes me happy

Obie Quiet

for O.S

Long winded reply
to a short piece
literary genius
calls to mind
a mean beast

Stripped of all I thought
poetry to be
here to learn
to listen
but slain in a thick forest
chopped down
by inhibition

I may not riddle
names of famous poets
I may have shit loads
to learn
but why do you share this burden
is it your concern?

Battle raging in my mind
and in my heart a riot
I fear insulting you
but I must say
“Obie Quiet”

© copyright Tia L. Clarke 2007

Can We Talk

I know we’ve been through some things
pooped pampers to periods.
Heart breaks to engagement rings.
So can we talk?

Mom, I think if our walls could talk,
They’d scream.
Not about your curry soup
About my brothers being arrested,
and their flying the coup.

I don’t want to converse about sex.
It’s too late.
You couldn’t imagine your daughter,
in the back seat of a cherry red Honda;
Head tilted back, eyes closed
legs elevated, with toes pointed like a ballerina
sweat dripping down my brow.

But I do have things I want to say,
My back bent in like a ditch,
puddles settle in, making me laggard,
Overflowing like an erupted volcano,
So can we talk?

About that day you read my soul
like a blind man reads brail
your fingertips poking at my spirit.
Sssssshhhh,
Listen!

That was my floral book of secrets,
but you unraveled me like a gift,
bow and all.

We never spoke
about it,
the aftermath of your actions.
A gray cloud still hangs over my head,
from the raging storm.
I cried like an abandoned infant.
You never held me.

You should know,
that you
put me through hell.

I was only fifteen
My legs spread on a stranger’s icicle table,
violated,
heavier than shackles of slaves
her seal like hands held down my thighs
pinned down and penetrated.
You let her rape me.

When it was done,
she stood twenty feet tall
looking at who she labeled slut.
BUT
that DOCTOR,
Was my first.

Talk to me!
Tell me why we never shared our feelings.
Please,
can we talk?

©copyright Tia L. Clarke 2007

You Take My Breath

this has been revised so many times I almost can not recognize what it was in the beginning...after reading at Sine Qua Non gallery I was told that the ending should be revised. I did that, so let me know what you think.

My heart flutters like a fish on dry pavement,
I struggle to walk; my knees are a condemned building
Shaking: I’m so weak.
As he passes I can not speak.
And I dare not!
My thoughts are a jumbled puzzled board.
Once again, I flap around gasping for air.

Who cares about breathing?
I’d hold my breath forever if it meant he’d never leave.
Life being sucked from me like a vampire sucks blood,
Lungs pinned down by the foot of an elephant, I turn blue.
In a small dark corner, heaving.
He nurtured me, fed me, and became my reason for writing.
So for him I’d stop breathing.

I haven’t fallen in love.
I’ve built my life around it.
More than a room with four walls, I have eight.
Like a baby in a fluffy pink blanket, in her mother’s arms, surrounded,
I thank heavens I’ve found him.
Snuggled to his chest, I listen to the thump of his heart.
We are so close; I can share his breath.

But I do not care about breathing.
I gave it up for him
Bounded, lips sky blue; cold and frigid
Chest caving,
Curved like the inner surface of a bowl.
I do not want him to set me free.
I love dangling from the tip of his hook.

I can see breath escape my lips like smoke from a sizzling grill.
And my eyes bulge out like I’m sky diving for the first time.
He completes me, he is my thrill.
Where ever he is, my heart shall lie.
Even if it means I have to die.
So as my breath runs away like an abused child,
I collapse in my love for him.

©copyright Tia L. Clarke 2007

Music Is My People

http://youtube.com/watch?v=faRUm2dacK0 instead of just reading, you can watch me perform this poem, there are also other talented poets reading...enjoy

Rusty cowbells clang like trash cans on collection day.
Rattling the serpent’s tale.
Telling stories of my family, of our history.
A plague of teenage mothers.
It spreads like a forest fire.
“No one wants to close their legs”

Gyration; Music is my people.

Bang, Bang, Bang!
Bang on her goat skin drum.
Lisa’s again in the street; she bounces to the music;
Full round caramel breasts bounce along.
Bleachers bleating to her beat.
While the serpent slithers near her feet.

Gyration; Music is my people.

Play the new songs,
“Ghost move, Belly Yuck”
“Anudda back yad pa-tee”
as dark as nightmares.
A new serpent stares.
He’ll trick her to perform to a new tune.

Gyration; Music is my people.

Heart racing, loud panting, music playing…
“I have a hang over,”
from those damned rusty cowbells.

She made her first child to the music of K.B.
Sweating in a back seat of the stranger’s ride
Lisa “Belly Yucks” as the serpents slides inside.

Gyration; Music is my people.

Music rattled the serpent’s tail;
now she continues our family tradition.
Anudda
Teenage mother.
Gyration; Music is my people.

©copyright Tia L. Clarke 2007

Differences

How did it feel when you traded me
for that cum stained face luxury
that everyone got?

Yes you managed to plant your seeds
in her soiled mound
BUT
will those buds make u a legend now?

You strut into my life like you were invited
so powerful, so strong
so BELIEVABLE.
I was wrong.

An earthquake that ripped me away
from anything familiar
would be more welcomed

I wonder what you saw in me

I am so different:
From that shaved off
drawn on
eyebrows of surprise lady
you already had in your life

So different:
From that immature
“leave mymuthafukin man bitch”
baby mama drama

So different:
From that 16"
Beauty rama
$30 hair
that stands straighter than, your nature.

So different:
Than a one night stand
pass me over to
YOUR RIGHT HAND MAN

Maybe that’s why you left,
I was too different.

My eyes are too real.
I don’t soak then in solution at night.

My nails don't peel off.
No need to have Tammy on speed dial.

My face doesn't come off on the pillow.
So your advances were hollow.

©copyright Tia L. Clarke 2007

Shorty's Diary~Pieces Of Me~

I have been feeling betrayed on so many levels...

Why lie to me?

Why lie when you say you love me, when you call me a friend?

Are my relationships merely a reflection of who I am?

I remember some time ago I text my brother explaining to him I had trust issues with my boyfriend and best friend at the time. I told him that I love them both, and I didn't know who to believe about a certain situation(I call NO names raven and meko). He asked me, "Do you have any money?" I said no, cuz at that time I'm thinking...Why this boy asking me about money in the middle of my dilemma. He said, "No coins or anything?" I said, "yes". "Look on the back of the money...it says in GOD we trust." I never felt so close to this man who was waters away from me and born nine years before me. He made me realize that I can't trust everyone, infact anyone and that I shouldn't worry about it because only our creator, Jehovah, can be completely trusted.

DEJA FLICKIN VU...

I have since gotten a trophy bf....exceptional young man, intelligent, respectful and just an overall nice guy. I have also found a new best friend...one who strives for more even when it seems to get too hard. BOTH GREAT ppl.

But recently I've been forced to examine these relationships...

I need honesty, I need loyalty...I need someone who will be true to themselves while being true to me.

Evoked By You

Evoked By You
By: Tia L. Clarke

This is I, who has fallen,
Broken bones
From a fifty foot fall
You didn’t try to catch me; not at all.

This is I, who is burned once again;
By love,
By intimacy,
And by my best friend.

This is I, who has no appetite to eat,
Force my fingers down my throat
Bulimic over night
This is I, who feels like she can’t get anything right.

This is I, who feels so stupid,
Tricked by cupid
Punctured internally
Crying externally,

This is I, who listens to love songs,
Only three minutes long,
But it’s my eternity of pain.
This is I, who loves you, my bane

Tears of larva spew.
This is I who,
Who will never forget you. :'( :(

Your Little Secret

Should I apologize for feeling as I do? I know you love me but I feel like I'm alone. I'm your secret, and I know it's not forever. Right? I really hope that thats true. But it has already felt like an eternity. An eternity of you hiding me. Myself esteem is not smothered, it is crushed. I can no longer take being your secret. I feel like I am not good enough. Am I not? There's no secret in my feelings, you know that I'm caught. It never felt so good to be captured. Still I have the feeling, that I'll always be a secret. Hidden like dirt under a carpet, I sit. Waiting for you to tell the world about me. But you're mute. I'm the one sharing, giving...telling the world how much I love you. Sometimes I get so angry, so fed up. This shit is tough. I have to keep quiet when the wrong ppl are around. Your family, lol, can't be around. Funny cause I'm just like a clown. People laugh. But I can't even smile. I've known you seven years, and been your secret all the while.

Have you ever been in a relationship so great that you want to just pass out pictures of you and your love, write poems and profess to everyone and anyone how much you love that person? I have... I am. It's hard when you and someone fit perfectly, they know you, you know them but the barrier that stands between you two is just OTHER PEOPLE! I am here to say, barriers crumble. Mine will crumble soon...

Shorty's Diary- *Pieces~Of~Me*

I'm currently on the quest for maturity.

I have been the baby for so long that it is hard to detach myself from that existance. Being the "baby" is what I know, it is what I'm able to do. Who am I because of this? Am I a weaker person? Maybe!? I feel helpless, I feel useless. I feel unarmed on the frontline of battle. People say to me, everyone does things in their own time...at 21 how much more TIME do I need. I feel stagnant!

I have been through many hardships, some of them I may have very well caused on myself. And I know that my trials have made me stronger. But am I strong enough?

Recently, I took the written part of my driving test. I passed with flying colours after much fighting with myself to even sit the test. I was so relieved, so happy. That hurdle has been passed but now its time for the actual DRIVING. Interesting! I am intimidated by the streets and I have much reason to be but those younger than me have zoomed passed me. I am not jealous. I have learned through teachings of my grandmothers that "what fa you, fa you." But am I angry with myself. I am angry because I allow my fear to defeat me. I have surrendered to my unseen opponent.

I sometimes judge myself based on people in my age group. "Look at what he has done. Look at what she has become." I am almost embarrassed of myself. Once again defeated, this time by the feeling of inferiority. When will things fall into place? Finding these things out are all apart of my quest for maturity, for independence...I guess I'm just on the quest to find myself, rather than anything else.

~*Pieces ~Of~Me*~

Uncertainty

You see,
With sincerity I share my uncertainity with you,
Because I'm in love with two, two men, I don't know what to do.
Both friends, Best Friends to the end.
What am I gonna do?
I refuse to hurt anyone of them.
So here I sit with my paper and pen.
WHEN THIS HELPS NOTHING!
I cry,
I cry alone.
No one else can know,
This pain aches to the bone.
Cancer in my marrow.
I can't take it,
Just too much sorrow.
PLEASE!
Save me...
Help me understand:
Why I'm so certain that I'm uncertain of who I should love.
Unsecure in my sercurity.
Too deep, but there's only 5inches of water.
If I could love them anymore, no one could save me.
On the floor of my bedroom, cowering like a baby.
Dehydrated and drowning.
I don't know what to do.
But I have found that I can not love them both,
Without someone being injured.
My love is hindered.
I'M STUCK
I'm stuck between the two of them.
This is not a rock and a hard place.
This is Paradise and Paradise.
I can't help to believe that I'm gonna make the wrong choice.
So with you, I share, my UNCERTAINTY.