for K.M
weed selling
weed smoking
old man seeking
young girls
to poke
dick in
sick in
so many ways
fast money
fast cars
young boys
bent over
rectum stretched
torn
worn out
in so many ways
old issues
new day
AIDS spread
Nations decay
in so many ways
©copyright Tia L. Clarke 2007
5 comments:
Lines such as these, my love:
i.
“vagina split”
ii.
taking dick
in the
rectum
are like raw sewerage in your otherwise finely worded, finely crafted poems.
Such sewerage must be treated. Such lines stink up the place as much as when one passes the new bridge, heading for the old bridge, along Bay Street.
Stink is not bad if you produce it deliberately. In these places though, it is clearly a lack of craft.
Each line of the poem is a tight rope upon which writer, followed by reader, crosses.
Attempt to cross upon such lines, one falls into a cesspit.
Beginning to end, fierce tenacity is required to make a poem. Choices such as these are damn lazy ones.
You're a poet. You're not producing pornography.
About that stick, the intention was to MEASURE, not to mutilate. you have here, corrupted a positive image. That stick in question was to emphasize the length of it. What do you think of this line from a poem from a long time ago, lost somewhere? I suppose it is to boast about or to lie about the enormity of this particular male voice's sex organ, but also th attach him to his roots:
is my black dick,
my only continent
i can suppose that reading this is the abridged version of the initial one(following Obie comments) but then the question in stanza 1 is "what is sick"
old man seeking young girls to poke in OR
Old man who is weed selling, weed smoking and wants to stick dick in young girls?
Does young girls mean underage or are these two adults but the gap between them like father-daughter?
And then overall i really love the way you summarise the issues in short lines...this is a good style you are polishing and excelling in by the day...really good one...
I guess all of it is sick...sick in different senses, thats what it reads "sick, in so many ways". And I meant young girls as in underage.
Thank you for for comment, I'm glad you like it.
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