a poetic story
I'm under constant watch
but no eye is that consistant
soon
you'll see me running in the distance
within the wink of an eye
you were the assistant
my escape you oblige
can't catch me
I'm already too far
tonight I will watch you
where ever you are
You deem me crazy
and to some extent
it may be true
maybe it's to the extent I'd take
to follow you.
© copyright Tia L. Clarke 2007
3 comments:
Though the language of this is not consistantly clear:
"but now eye is that consistant"
this line above for example or this:
"my escape you ablige"
Should your "ablige" be "oblige"?
I do like very much, the inversion of escaping and following.
A closer look though reveals that the voice is following who is spoken of, into madness.
But following and being out front, is quite an interesting tension and situation.
It is what only poetry, art, can accommodate.
Brilliant!
This is just a piece of the original poem. I wrote it in 05 and never gave any attention to it. But when I read it again I decided to just post it and see what kind of responses I get. I thought it was an interesting story, kinda has that Hannibal feel to it. Thanks.
"in a distance"
article "a" should instead be "the". Attention to these small verbal elements keeps or brings the subjects of your poems into sharper, clearer focus.
Even the tiniest flaw, unintended, can kill a poem or its clarity. Can cause as much distress as a speck of dust in the eye.
Post a Comment