Lost

want me to believe
that the emptiness will go away
that it will get better
easier in time
but this pain
the pain that stretches
from the back of my neck
to the tip of my tailbone
tells a different story
this pain
has paralyzed me
i am numb
but my heart
still feels so much
pain
disdain
for myself
how can i believe this will get better
and every picture makes me wish
i never wrote that letter
better?
even the weather says differently
rain, tears of angels
did they lose him too
rain
drops
tapping on my window
sill
silly me
i wish it were him
separation anxiety
separation
apart
a part of me gone
and Lord knows i long for it
long for him
deny myself
easy to read
easy for them to say
while i lay
tear stained face
face it
its only been days
but
i miss the days
every one
everyone can see
that without him
i am not me

Love Trap

Screaming match

no one's talking, spent

mouths sealed like a love letter

kissed,

sent overseas

it would take an army to open your lips

zipped

and though even zippers break

through your lips

not even air escapes

not a breath

no sigh of relief

grief

hair thinning

head spinning

and this

is

just

the beginning

entangled

in this love for you

and I'm sure

you've never felt a love like you do

a love

like this

but

loving you is making me weak
speak
to me
yelling at a brick wall

in a maze

like a lab rat

and I still find you

amazing

That Feeling

shivers

body quivering

at the slightest thought

of you

things you make my body do

unnatural

factual

your eyes look in me

seeing the best in me

the worst in me

let this be

butterflies

when I look at you

love the things you make me do

natural

feels so right

sitting in the dark

loving you in the moonlight

And We Made Love

worst enemy

best friend

best poet

high expectations

trying all she can to make him climax

explode his ink

onto her paper

tied together by what tears them apart

a heart

a pen

a paper

crumpled together

between the thighs of an innocent girl

beautifully corrupted

by a poet

fiddler on the roof

proof

that she has learned something

however minute

the hours at Sine Qua Non

grew in two

years of

nurturing the writer

she is finding her voice

a strong whisper

between these sheets

of paper

©Tia Clarke 2012

Geek Me

you bring out
the geek
in me

glasses
suspenders
pocket protectors

playing accordian like
Steve Urkel
be my Laura Winslow

emotions fast
giggling while you
walk pass

weakens me
to
smell you
sniff you
with you

feels so good
to walk
through green grass
or on pink sand

while
your scent surrounds me
liberated by your presence

clinging to your words
like birds on limbs
of a tree

I can fly
when I'm with you
but

I don't even know who you are
and I am just a
Geek

©Tia Clarke 2011

men are clueless
and unlike most daddies
they never live up
to expectations
of this Princess

Tempted...

Too touch you
for you to touch me

Ready to draw a line
just so you can cross it
erase it
misplace it
Shit throw it away

Damn you smell good
Live in the surburbs
but I'll move to the hood
too be close to you
half of you
most of you
any bit of you

So happy to be
playful
a night full
of piggy back rides
All giddy up
when you come around
I must be a clown
cheeks red
dreaming of lying in a bed
I've never even seen
take me there

Put that damn line behind us
because
I think I've already crossed it

©Tia L. Clarke 2010

Cry

And it dropped

that tear trapped in the corner of your eye
held there for eternity
to prove to me
you were too much of a man
to cry

rather fight it
hide it
than to let it slide
out the corner of your eye
©Tia L. Clarke 2010

With A Stranger

you bring out
the geek
in me


glasses
suspenders
pocket protectors

weakens me
to

smell you
sniff you
with you

feels so good

to walk
through green grass
or on pink sand


while
your scent surrounds me
liberated by your presence
clinging to your words
like birds on limbs
of a tree

I can fly
when I'm with you
but

I don't even know who you are

©Tia Clarke 2011

inadequate?
I've had it...
being compared to women
who don't compare to me
by people who don't know me
won't take the time to show me
decency
to even try

not pretty...
by who's standards?
by the people who can't see
beyond hair texture?
by imperfect judgmental human beings
feigns
for a Europeans

"she was a beautiful girl"
is he telling me I'm not beautiful enough
that if I was liquid in his cup...
his cup would be half full
and she would fill it up?

if I were a little taller
would I reach the mark
or maybe my skin is just too dark
how are you measuring my beauty
because by your standards
you might always see
inadequacy

Stuffed of Love

Tightly capped
So we pushed,
pulled
Opened together

Now,
We can’t finish
It’s wasted

Only tasted

Defeat
bitter
once was sweet

Take it away

Can't handle
Can’t eat
What we wanted
And we fought for

Can’t endure
Just a little bit more
Stuffed
Had enough
of
Love

©Tia L. Clarke 2010

Seems you think of me
Mind on me
Bended knees
Face wet
Slippery as feet
Crossing a mossy stone
Grown enough
To admit what I can’t
Decades separate
Separating us

Bound by words
Bind my mind
To yours
Oceans surrounding
Tempting us to jump in
But I
cannot
swim

© Tia Clarke 2010

I'm not Drunk...I'm Tipsy

strip me
of all inhibition
I give you permission
to derail me
frail me
will be strong enough
for you to lean on
to break up
to hold

call me
into submission
in any position
you can think of
speak of
dream of
dreams never so sweet
I think...

laughter, tears
you burn
my chest
you bring out my worst
you are the best
I think...

strip me
I'm not Drunk
I'm Tipsy
I think...

© Tia Clarke 2009

Why Keep Rags

1.
ripping at the seams
like a poorly constructed dress
needle and thread
nor seamstress
can keep us together

we're done

2.
stick a knife in us
burnt to a crisp
charred remains of dedication
we no longer have
the strength to love each other

too weak to stand
the sight of you
makes me ill
to think this love is over
good luck, no luck
no four leaf clover
could help

3.
our cards have been dealt
joker
left me
after you poke her
I lost the game
sucker

Loved too much
you

I pity her
"I do"
to a man
who don't
who won't
who can't
love her like the start of a new day

appreciate her
like sunbeams
on the face of a prisoner

4.
locked in your love

for decades
clinging to me
like meat
to the bones of the dead
buzzards pick
you're tricked

you Prick
splinter in my finger
small
big enough to hurt
yet
want us mended
pretended
to be what I needed

conceited

5.
concede defeat
at the end of all you can eat
buffet closed
done weighing my pros
you're a con

I'm conscious now

© Tia Clarke 2009

First Draft

i detest love
what a mess i've become
because of loving
how weak
weakened by emotions
guiding my movements
bitter lovers
sweet love
end it
before it ends me
like this first draft
this love
will be forgotten