Spring forward
toward
my love
My lust runeth over
Charmed to have
a beauty
more than
A four leaf clover
Moreover
head over heels
falling over you
Desires revealed under you
Under sheets
sum-mor' sum-mor'
match the
bleating of sheep
Friction
brings heat
in the coldest
Winters
©Tia L. Clarke 2008
3 comments:
sheep not sheeps
The event of this does not achieve the same sharp focus throughout - is not the same clear-as-a-bell sounding throughout.
Associations which are intended to reveal, instead obscure. Though it rhymes wonderfully with moreover, what does four leaf clover signify?
It seems random and haphazard.
The lover's moaning in bed, sum-mor', I do nor readily associate with the sound sheep make, nor do I think of sheep's bleating to be at all erotic.
You do have and amazing ability to tie stanzas together though, lacing together sounds. That I find brilliant, original, a thing you seem to be, more and more perfecting.
Another thing worthy of notice, is your attention to the tension and play between images, sounds, textures, within the poem itself - rather than attempting to make art of the authors antagonism with some person or other.
Here is where those emotions must be resolves. They must be reduced to symbols and on that level clash and clang - make dissonant or harmonious music.
"Melting Snow" and "Peanut Butter" seem to represent a great leap forward. Certainly worth waiting for. These I deeply appreciate.
"Peanut butter" seems flawless. I consider it an very high achievement. I'd have been quite proud of it had I myself written it.
It is so erotic, and so subtly so, without ever stating that it is at all about intercourse.
How erotic though are these two stanzas:
five fingers fuss
fight to open
use two instead
carefully
slowly
spread
Thank you. I will revisit this. I sometimes struggle with consistency but that is something I will work on.
sum-mor' sum-mor'
is summer! silly slow me. This poem, this poet, so very rich. You are Soooo inventive. I am often times soooo slow. Thanks for your patience.
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